Hair.

It’s the thing that makes one unique - sets one apart from the rest.  It can be defining, refining, confining.  As a performer my image is almost as important to me as my talent and for over 20 years my hair has been a part of that image – “Blue”.  From the day I coloured my entire head in a rich royal indigo that “blue” has been a part of my musical-self-identity.  The two things that set me apart aesthetically, as a musician, was my unique name and my shock of blue hair.

Over the last few months many people have said, “Oh, I didn’t recognize you with your hat on.”  They were looking for the “blue”.

I’ve been playing my shows wearing a “warrior scarf” since I started losing my hair back in July.  The whole time I was self-conscious about the scarf.  I felt as if people were focusing more on “why is she wearing a scarf?”  instead of, “wow, that is a great song”.  Maybe I thought this because for the first time I was more concerned about what I looked like then what I sounded like.  I know it messed with my confidence as a performer.  Did it show in my playing, my singing?  Truthfully, I was probably more conscious of the scarf than anyone else and anxiously awaited my hair’s return.

I told myself that if my hair didn’t grow back properly that I would keep my head shaved and perform sans cheveux - that I would wear my clean pate proudly!  I never got to challenge myself with that bold decision because my hair is growing back – properly.

On Feb 8^th I played my first show without my “warrior scarf”.  And, it was exhilarating!  I hadn’t realized until that moment just what a difference it made to not have my head bound.  I could feel a difference.  I was no longer conscious of anything but my music.

That night I played my heart out – despite having to sing thru a head cold.  I showed off my new hair and smiled to myself when someone would comment on my new “hairstyle”.  I could’ve played my set without comment, but it seemed too momentous an occasion – at least for me - to let it go without some acknowledgement.

So, I pointed out to the audience the bracelet that I’ve worn since losing my friend Michael to cancer and that I continue to wear in recognition of my own and others’ struggle with this messed up disease.  (The bracelet says simply, Fuck Cancer.)  Then I played, Echoes in the Bone.  After my set the audience no longer discussed my “hairstyle” – instead we sympathized and celebrated.

Oh, and last Saturday I tried putting blue in my hair for the first time.  It’s good to be back.