Hair.

It’s the thing that makes one unique - sets one apart from the rest.  It can be defining, refining, confining.  As a performer my image is almost as important to me as my talent and for over 20 years my hair has been a part of that image – “Blue”.  From the day I coloured my entire head in a rich royal indigo that “blue” has been a part of my musical-self-identity.  The two things that set me apart aesthetically, as a musician, was my unique name and my shock of blue hair.

Over the last few months many people have said, “Oh, I didn’t recognize you with your hat on.”  They were looking for the “blue”.

I’ve been playing my shows wearing a “warrior scarf” since I started losing my hair back in July.  The whole time I was self-conscious about the scarf.  I felt as if people were focusing more on “why is she wearing a scarf?”  instead of, “wow, that is a great song”.  Maybe I thought this because for the first time I was more concerned about what I looked like then what I sounded like.  I know it messed with my confidence as a performer.  Did it show in my playing, my singing?  Truthfully, I was probably more conscious of the scarf than anyone else and anxiously awaited my hair’s return.

I told myself that if my hair didn’t grow back properly that I would keep my head shaved and perform sans cheveux - that I would wear my clean pate proudly!  I never got to challenge myself with that bold decision because my hair is growing back – properly.

On Feb 8^th I played my first show without my “warrior scarf”.  And, it was exhilarating!  I hadn’t realized until that moment just what a difference it made to not have my head bound.  I could feel a difference.  I was no longer conscious of anything but my music.

That night I played my heart out – despite having to sing thru a head cold.  I showed off my new hair and smiled to myself when someone would comment on my new “hairstyle”.  I could’ve played my set without comment, but it seemed too momentous an occasion – at least for me - to let it go without some acknowledgement.

So, I pointed out to the audience the bracelet that I’ve worn since losing my friend Michael to cancer and that I continue to wear in recognition of my own and others’ struggle with this messed up disease.  (The bracelet says simply, Fuck Cancer.)  Then I played, Echoes in the Bone.  After my set the audience no longer discussed my “hairstyle” – instead we sympathized and celebrated.

Oh, and last Saturday I tried putting blue in my hair for the first time.  It’s good to be back.

2018 – The year that was…

No doubt some of us have spent some part of this day pondering over the events of the last 364 and some of us may wish to keep the past in the past and look only to the future.

I have done a bit of both.  I have considered this past year and all that it has wrought – in music, in health, in friendships both new and long cherished and in the passing and blessing of life.  And I peer squinting into the future hoping to coax out what patterns and dreams and wishes it may yet bear.

However you wish to deliberate or contemplate this turning of the calendar year my wish for you would be to smile on yesterday, believe in the promise of tomorrow and thoroughly embrace all the moments in between!

(Sorry, East Coast - just missed your New Year)

Treatment #6, Week #17 …What a ride!

November 9^th was my last day of chemo. 

These few days are the last time I’ll go thru the BCP. 

Today I will feel better… every day… for good.

Right to the very end I encountered bombshell after disbelief after revelation.  And, through it all you were there… and you were there… and you were there… 

For this final week and this final treatment I was treated to a wonderful round of love and surprises.  My great friends, Adam and Betsy came down to celebrate the occasion with Susan and me.  When we got home there was a surprise party waiting for me complete with more friends, tie-dyed balloons and peace sign cookies followed by a smaller after-party at our home where Adam and I played music for our friends until I couldn’t play anymore (which was, admittedly, a lot sooner than I would’ve preferred).  Being surrounded by the love and laughter of my wife, friends and family - both here and in spirit - and sharing music was just the right way to put a bow on this whole package. 

The rest of the wrapping, if you will, is all of you who’ve written, hugged, sent thoughts and prayers and have been at and on my side throughout this process.  I’ve been embraced by strangers who wished me well and shared fortunes with fellow warriors.  I’ve discovered strength within and have learned to accept strength from without with humility and grace.  Words will never be able to express how grateful I am to all of you for everything.

In case you were wondering I plan to continue writing these blogs and am looking forward to them being decidedly more music centric.  Of course, there will be a brief health update when I reach my 2-year and 5-year marks.  Until then, expect lots of music, news and musings coming down the pike – like, finally being able to finish the new album with no more distractions.  I hope you’ll continue to ride along with me on this journey!

Week #16 – Treat or Treat!

Here we are…November.  And, do you know what that means?  NO MORE HALLOWEEN FUN! 
Ah, but what fun we had, yeh?

I was waffling about what my costume would be; scary and hairless, hairy and scare-less.  (I do so enjoy scaring the kiddies.)  At the last minute I came up with this:  Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Greeter.

At our house we get a couple kids every 45 minutes and most of the time it's our friends bringing over their kids. 

Thanks to our friends Tracy and Molly I actually had kids to scare.   Molly and Tracy’s neighborhood was an endless stream of kids so I got to see all the great costumes, hand out candy and even scared a few of them!  Ah, the joys of a good fright!!

So, that was Wednesday.  On Thursday I had my usual gig at Grumpy’s.  It’s always fun to play that venue and I have a nice little crowd that comes out for the shows.  Since it was All Soul's Night I felt justified in singing a few more Halloween songs [cheesy grin].  On Friday I played in LeClaire (home of the American Pickers) to a packed house.  So much so that, some friends who came out to see me couldn’t get a seat.  If they’d only waited until the end of the night because, just about 15 minutes before the end of my show the place became virtually empty except for a couple at the bar and the staff.

Between songs the guy at the bar said to me, “Play Stairway to Heaven”, so I did.  Well, not quite.  I played the opening stanza then stopped abruptly and told him jokingly, “That’s all you get for free”.  He looked at his wife and said, “Give her a hundred bucks”.  “Well, here’s a guy who knows how to request a song!” I responded…still jokingly.  Then his wife put a hundred dollar bill in my tip jar.  Needless to say, I played whatever the hell they wanted for the next 15 minutes. 

I spent Saturday pretty much laying on the couch all day.  Shows are starting to tire me out more than usual and I’m not bouncing back the next day like I used to.  But, all that’s about to change…this Friday, November 9^th, is my last scheduled chemo treatment!!  So this week I plan to do whatever it takes to make sure my numbers are where they need to be so I can get my final infusion and be done with all this rigmarole!

My chemo treat for last week was a treat in and of itself; Banoffee Pie! 
Susan and I had it when we were in Ireland and have wanted to try making it at home.  Our first time out wasn’t a total success but it was still good.   The traditional method of making the toffee is to boil an unopen can of condensed milk for 3 hours.  I didn't want to wait 3 hours... nor did I want to take the chance of having to clean up a condensed milk explosion.

Guess we’ll just have to keep trying till we get it right ;) 

Week #15 – I was working in the lab…

Last week was an INCREDIBLE week! 

First and foremost, the Wife and I celebrated our 4^th year of marriage (14 yrs together) with fruit, flowers and a night out - dinner with friends and a Bruce Cockburn concert at the Englert.  (For once I was in Iowa City for something other than a chemo treatment.)

A bunch of us went to see Halloween: 40 Years Later.  Yep, totally worth it!

Saturday was crazy beautiful outsid

e so I took advantage of wandering around our little Village after surreptitiously excusing myself from my friends watching the Iowa game at our local pub (love you guys but, really, not a big fan of sport, but they know that.)

Funny story… A guy at the bar looked at me and said, “You ride?”  I chuckled to myself and let him know why I was wearing the bandana.  He was apologetic and offered to buy my drink. (I was drinking water ;)

Later that same night I was in the bar restroom when I caught a glimpse of myself in a full-length mirror; black square-tip boots, bell-bottoms, Carhart jean-jacket with the collar turned up, scarf printed with skulls around my neck and a Grateful Dead bandana on my head. Sure as shit – I looked like I “ride”.  Next time I’m going to say, “Yeah, I ride…  Schwinn…3 speed”.

My co-producer has been doing a great job putting together all the pieces for the new album.  The songs are mostly mixed and in order.  We’re sifting thru patter and extemporaneous musings to see what stays and what’s just not as funny as we thought it was that night.  He even sent me the new ring-tone file – woot!

The Wife and I were doing a little mid-century shopping at one of our favorites – Riverbend Retro – and found a new set of groovy cups for our nightly “cuppa”. 

So, yeah, last week was pretty incredible for a lot of reasons. Each day, I hear from friends or meet people who tell me they’re rooting for me.  Each day I try to look for the joy in the simple things. That’s my chemo treat for last week – reminding myself just how amazing my Wife, my friends and my fans have been thru it all and just how lucky I am - extremely, extraordinarily, incredibly lucky.

Week 14 – treatment #5!! Amok, amok, amok!

Five down, ONE to go!

Last week I had to move my treatment from Monday to Thursday because my neutrophil numbers weren’t high enough… again.  But, by Wednesday they were better than good and…BONUS! my CA-125 was TWENTY-NINE which means I’m below the normal level.  This is the kind of good news I really need right now. 

As we’re coming down to the wire and counting down the days I am currently willing my fingertips to stop buzzing and tingling and feeling numb – all at the same time.  Yes, I’m more than just a little freaked but I’m keeping a positive attitude that this too shall pass.  (My toes, on the other hand, are fully engulfed in the chemo-induced neuropathy. boo…)

So, to pass the time and keep my mind off the changes going on with my peripherals I’ve been keeping busy.  I continue working on the new album – mostly some final editing and such.  Last Friday The Wife and I and a few friends went to see the movie, Halloween – 40 Years Later. That Jamie Lee Curtis is a badass!  On Saturday there was a party at a lake house in Lake St Louis, MO for my sister-in-law’s 50^th birthday.  It was beautiful weather all weekend and we certainly made the most of it.  Yesterday was spent on mousework and housework.  (Mousework: That which is done on the computer - I also have a part-time job at a local magazine finding and writing content. Housework: Okay, do you really need me to mansplain housework?)  Today I’m writing this blog while “watching” Hocus Pocus.  I absolutely LOVE this movie…“on TOAST!” – partly, for the horrendous acting by the children (especially Max) and mostly for the brilliant acting by the Sanderson Sisters and Billy.

My chemo treat this week was spending time with my seestur-in-law on her 50th birthday.  (She sent me this pic a few weeks back to let me know she's "rockin' the blue" until I get my hair back.)

I have little over two weeks before my final treatment.  It’s scheduled for Friday, Nov 9^th.  

The intervening days will be spent staying busy, staying positive, striving for good numbers, making music and writing to you all.  The chemo may be lowering my CA-125 but it’s your continued thoughts and wishes that raise my spirits! 

Week 13 – I took my troubles down to Madam Rue…

Today I’m in chemo… no, wait, I would’ve been, but my neutrophil number wasn’t high enough.  No Biggie - I’m set to sit on Thursday.  The thing about nuetrophils – the only thing that can make them better is time and a bump in my protein intake.  Thursday’s treatment will be #5!! I can see the finish line from here!

In the meantime, I had a couple of shows in the lovely hamlet of Trempeleau, Wisconsin this past weekend.  If you’ve never been you should.  There’s an historic hotel that comes complete with ghosts, a lovely view of the Mississippi (and great fishing if you’re into that) a nice little winery and apple orchards galore.  This time around I played the winery and an apple farm.  Both of these venues featured perfect autumnal settings and the only thing missing was perfect autumnal weather.

The sun was shining on us Saturday at Elmaro Vineyard and a brisk breeze kept the bugs away.  (Okay, the bugs were already gone cuz it was 45 degrees out and the breeze was blowing in from the north at a steady 15-20 miles an hour.)   For all that, the patio was filled with happy campers enjoying charcuterie and Chablis. And speaking of campers - just before my last set my wonderful friend, Sue Dickey, and her faithful companion, Gertie, showed up… in an RV!

Since this was an afternoon show it gave us plenty of time to enjoy the evening together.  We headed over to the Historic Trempeleau Hotel for scrumptious walnut burgers and hot chicken pot pie.  After dinner we listened to The Box Band for a set (rootsy folk with a little Grateful Dead thrown in for good measure) then headed back to the campground to sit by the fire catching up, drinking beer (in my case, sipping beer and spilling most of it on the ground) and playing ukulele for each other.  Now, that’s what I call an evening well spent!

Sunday morning she surprised me with a trip to a local attraction, the Kinstone Circle.  Just a few minutes from Trempeleau is this amazing place filled with standing stones, “ancient” buildings and native grass and plants.  It had been raining all morning and when we got there it finally stopped raining…and started snowing.  Weather be damned we entered  Kinstone and walked in awe past impressive natural granite structures, pastoral water features and a Stonehenge-style circle of standing stones – all of it tempered with the mystique of bright, huge, wet snowflakes.  It was our first snowfall of the year – well, at least it was our first snowfall, we can’t speak for Wisconsin.

Sue headed home to MN and I headed to my show at Ecker's Apple Farm.  This is a 4^th generation farm and the apple pies are made with Gramma’s secret recipe.  The apple room smelled of hot cider and home-made ice cream.  (The ice cream must be really good cuz plenty of people were enjoying it on a day where the mercury only topped out at 37.)   I played from the loft and kept the room filled with funky folk and seasonal songs.  I left there also filled with 2 bags of Haralsons, a gallon of cider, gramma’s apple pie and warm memories of a weekend spent with a good friend.

That’s my chemo treat for the week – Sue Dickey, my “home away from home”.  Dude, thanks for being there and for the bonus treat of Kinstone!